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what kinda school shoes do you have?
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| im so heated. |
[14 Mar 2005|09:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
something corporate |
] |
SO HERE I AM
SO HERE I AM
yeah ok
im so pissed
btw
yeah
so today noel come home with me
and we went to pat and jesses baseball game
cool while we were there
went over her house
and then uh
came home
pissy mood, really pissy mood
but hey
if this is life, im definatally living it
confusion kills, i mean kills
oh yeah, byt the way
jesse, dont talk to me.
|
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| oh em gee |
[13 Mar 2005|12:15am] |
|
ok
so last weekedn i hung out with pat andrew and jesse the whole weekend
got ina fight with them
haebt talked to them all week
so then friday..last night
i saw jesse at the movies
and he told me he was sorry
and then
today i went to MY BESTESTETSTE friends house..and we went on the boat
and emily opmg
i pisssed my fucking pants
gosh
so much fun
so then we went to the play
then me maddie miche pat andrew jesse and jt went to cheeburger cheeburger
and then the sistaaa left
and i was with the guys
and then we went to juans
and then we went to pats
and im soo confused
i like pat soo much
but i like jesse too
and i dont know whata do
its like
id ont know
not saying teh whole story
but yeah
lets just put it this way
i had a good night till someone had to fucking bring me down
someone being chandler
yeah anyways
bye love you MADDIE
bestesbetsgststststs friends EVAA
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| i got bored... ? |
[05 Mar 2005|03:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giggly |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NOELLLL! on the phone |
] |
|
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| happyness, yes ! |
[05 Mar 2005|02:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ppr:Kut-LP |
] |
ystrday
britt came home from school with me
we got ready
went over andrews house around 7ish
then we chilled with andrew
he got his hair cut
aww ... he looks like a nerd now.. l0l
aww
but i love that kid
anyways yeah
so then we walked to pats house
woooh
i love him
<3<3<3<3 alot
l0l
hes soo cute
so we hung out there for a while
played volleyball
and did nothing
then doran, kevin, and billy came to pic us up
and so then we went to megs house
to get meg
and it was soo fun riding in the back
ahh!
and then so like we went from megs to tays
party'd it up
her party was pretty gay no offense
but yeah
i hung out with my homies all night
we chilled like niggassss
and then jon came
love him
i fell omg
i hurt my knees soo bad
i was crawling
it was soo funny/bad/hurtness
but its all good
then we went home
bed
woke up
ate
cleaned my room
showered
b left
and then i just did nothing
worked out for a lil
noels comming over in a lil
YES ! wooooooh
so... BYE
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|
| it`s really getting to me |
[03 Mar 2005|05:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 restless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
wonderwall-oasis |
] |
im the kind of person
that doesnt really show emotion
im always acting happy
but today
it just got to me
im in way over my head with this tony shit
and i never let it bother me
but for some reason, it just got me today
and it really got to me
i dont know what to do, some advice here...
lately, ive just been getting no sleep thinking baout it
and during the days
its all i think about...
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| so you tell me |
[28 Feb 2005|08:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
both of those conversations were today
the kids lien to me
hes so gay
omg hahaha shes indian, funny
but yeah welll
i dont know hes sooo stupid i wish i could kill him
but then id cry
lol yeah well id ont know what should i do what do you THINK hoes....IMNOT GUNNA GIVE HIM HEAD THO SOOO
just tell me if i should hook up with him or not
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| wow, he is sooo stupid |
[28 Feb 2005|08:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fucking, people on the phone |
] |
me & jesse fucking dorini
niked26 (3:50:02 PM): next time i see you we will hook up
xo megstu r r ox (3:50:21 PM): ugh
xo megstu r r ox (3:50:52 PM): jesse, i hate when you do this
me and jesse again
niked26 (5:32:40 PM): hey sexy
xo megstu r r ox (5:32:45 PM): oh deary, whats up?
niked26 (5:32:54 PM): tv
niked26 (5:32:55 PM): you?
xo megstu r r ox (5:33:02 PM): just sitting here, on myspace.
niked26 (5:33:12 PM): wanna give me head
xo megstu r r ox (5:33:18 PM): nope, i don't.
niked26 (5:33:27 PM): y not
xo megstu r r ox (5:33:28 PM): jesse, you know im not going to give you head, dont even ask me.
niked26 (5:33:48 PM): why?
xo megstu r r ox (5:34:13 PM): ok, first of all, i dont give head.
niked26 (5:34:22 PM): yes you do
niked26 (5:34:26 PM): youve done it b4
xo megstu r r ox (5:34:46 PM): yeah, maybe i have before, but i dont like doing it.
niked26 (5:35:05 PM): so its me
xo megstu r r ox (5:35:18 PM): and second of all, im not here for you when you want it, it seems when you want something, you always come to me, im not here for your personal use.
niked26 (5:35:41 PM): ill go out with you if you do
xo megstu r r ox (5:35:52 PM): jesse, no.
xo megstu r r ox (5:36:02 PM): why would you even say that, it pisses me off so much.
xo megstu r r ox (5:36:31 PM): serisouly, i hate this. im not giving you head, not even if were going out, and we're not going to go out, ever.
xo megstu r r ox (5:37:01 PM): so, just forget it, and dont ask me. if that's why you talk to me, then you mise as well not even talk, because you wont ever get it out of me.
xo megstu r r ox (5:38:26 PM): is that like, the only reason you even talk to me for?
niked26 (5:38:30 PM): no
xo megstu r r ox (5:38:45 PM): ok, then stop asking, dont take it as offense, im not giving anyone head.
niked26 (5:38:56 PM): ok
xo megstu r r ox (5:39:09 PM): it's not just you. people ask me all the time, like im some kinda hoe, and i go around giving head, i dont. so dont ask me anymore. ok?
niked26 (5:39:46 PM): ok
xo megstu r r ox (5:39:50 PM): anyways :
xo megstu r r ox (5:40:51 PM): whats going on with you and that girL?
niked26 (5:41:12 PM): were talkin
xo megstu r r ox (5:41:17 PM): thats cool, i guess.
xo megstu r r ox (5:41:21 PM): you like her alot?
niked26 (5:41:24 PM): yea
me and zach, chans brother who is best friends with jesse
xo megstu r r ox (8:21:16 PM): jesse 's got a g.f i hear?
nopants240 (8:21:42 PM): yea
xo megstu r r ox (8:22:02 PM): funny
nopants240 (8:22:12 PM): squanto
nopants240 (8:22:15 PM): shes an indian
xo megstu r r ox (8:22:21 PM): is she really
xo megstu r r ox (8:22:48 PM): wtf, are you serious?
nopants240 (8:22:57 PM): yea
xo megstu r r ox (8:23:07 PM): shes pretty?
nopants240 (8:23:27 PM): not really
xo megstu r r ox (8:23:50 PM): l0l, does he like her alot?
nopants240 (8:25:09 PM): im not sure
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| cause i need it right now, let me see it inside |
[27 Feb 2005|06:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the used-noise and kisses |
] |
ok so friday emily and noel came home from school with me
and then noel got picked up and her brother asked me if i wanted him to tatoo my arm for five dallas so funny
and people were modeling at my house, because my house is so cool
and then brittany come over and then we went to meet logan at our "park"
then we went to my house
and then brittany and fucking emily fought and screamed all god damn night
and then we went to bed
and then we woke up and me and emily went to get my hair done
and then we went to publix to get andrews cake mix, and then we made his cake
god, did that take forever
lmao it was funny but it turned out cool
lmao, not
so then we went to graces house with her an kp
and then her fucking dog twinkles scared the shit out of me
omg that thing scares me so bad
anyways so then we went and met doug, brett, ian, nick, jack, and those kids
and then me and emily came home
and we went to andrews house
fun, so much fun
yes, yes man yes
lmao
so we played lacross with him
listened to his freak neighbors bitch
played with the cake we made him
ate poppa jons pizza
talked about tony
it was fun
i love that kid
for serisous
and then we went and mat alex, and chan
and teeg, ryan, and jamie sterges
what a hottie jamie is
lmao love his face
but yeah anyways
alex got hurt in her eye it was funny but it wasnt
so then we went to jacks for a little
and then we went to 7 eleven and ate dinner under a tree in the rain, were such bums
andrew calls me as were walking by his house hes so stupid but i love him
omg, i love patrick, and juan, and jesse, sorry you guys are grounded
pats so stupid, i cant belive he pushed you when you were drunk, and now juanit0 had to get stiches... god i love juan
and so you all are grounded
but yeah anyways
um, so then we went back to chans went home(we=me and emily)
then we woke up and went to the beach surfed all day with britt, and chan and emily and jo jo JOEY TERRAVELLA
went to britts house with JO JO JOEY TEREVELLA my lover
lmao and then we were fighting with ryan and cory, so funy
cory thinks im so stupid
then britt nasty spit gross all over everywhere
omg, my lips swolen, and my ass is bleeding because i got fucked up today when we were surfing
we saw a shark
scary but yeah anyways
well i dont know what else to say
were going to go now
i love you
goodbye
|
|
| EAST COAST does it like NOBODY does |
[23 Feb 2005|05:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
this is how we do it-montel jordan |
] |
hey hey hey
yeah anyways so
this last weekend was pretty much gay until sat.
thursday night evan had a get to get together
which was so gay
but i went over there in mi piamas
lmao
well then whatever i got too much from logan so i left with graceypoo and kp
and we went to my house
and then they went home
friday selpt in gay gay gay gay
brittany come over
we went upcoast to my aunts house
and then we surfed
we shopped
we went to busch gardens sunday came home after that
it was sooo funny omg on the way home she hada go piss really bad
and then like we had a sonic cup in the car
and she pissed it it
but yeah highlight of my trip
deff. meeting victor
hott ass child of god
he looked like he was 12 but he was 14 so it was cool
i think hes the hottest kid ever not really the hottest but hes up there
anyways so we went home she stayed over then monday morning she went home
i went to get emily we went to quarterdeck ate
and then we went to chans
then we went to the dog park and met my lovers andrew pat and juan
and then i look up and little jesse alexandrew dorini just happens to be sitting in the tree 40 ft up in the air haha
so he came down
me katie jesse emily chan andrew patrick jesse and juan were there
then all the sudden teller, hunter, justic, dillon CUNTLICKER rolled up like homies
and then they just chulled
and then i was on the longboard with katie and i called her a fat ass
so she jumped off
and i flew about 50 feet up in the air and then fell
and i injured my arm badly
then i was sitting on the post and fucking chan retard fucking hits me and i fell back and it myhead on a rock
and it hurt
but then we went to patricks house and they wouldnt let us in till chandler was gone
ahaha
so when she left we chilled and igot some band aids from my lover patrick
and i just sat there while all them were ontop of me begging like little horn dogs
god they love me
haha but tracy told me not to do anything
so i kept her words, and i didnt
sweet but yeah then we went back to chans after i had to part from my lovers andrew juanito and patrick..<3pat, oh... LOVE PATRICK(pat)HANLEY for LIFE.
then everyone else left and i was there alone with chan
and then jesse came out of his house to see me
and he was ontop of me and chan wanted to be so they were fighting over it
and chans like meghan ill call anthony alan dorini if you dont let me lay on you
and im like ok ok lay here
and jesse was like no
and took my phone and hit chan
and gave it to me and layed on me
and then his mom came out yelling for him
so he went home
then i did
and yeah home...gay
school yesterday(tues)
gay gay gay jessi come home from school with me
she went home
i slept all day and night
today school then calini and now im going to go fuck myself
so im out... mer.. LOVER HALLER
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG ANDREW YOUR BIRTHDAY IS TOM
IM MAKING YOU THE COOLEST CAKE AND CARD EVER
I LOVE YOU WITHA LL MY HEART ANDREW LESHON
AND ME AND YOU ARE CELEBRATING STEAK AND BLOWJOB DAY TOGETHER, YES!
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
|
|
| your gone... |
[18 Feb 2005|12:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
your gone - sc |
] |
me and tonys song
Taking steps back through the words I should have said to you
they all got lost
you went away
well i feel sick and you just don't care anymore
anymore
I wish to be with you
minutes of me and you
and i can't feel this happening
so tie my hands back
and make me feel you coming down
coming down
and you don't care
your face is on a billboard
and your everywhere
you don't care much for interviews
your gone your gone your gone your gone
your gone your gone your gone your gone away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
its hard to wave goodbye from aeroplanes
when i just don't think that you can see I taper off
and say its never worth the pain but some time it is
and you don't care
your face is on a billboard and your everywhere
you don't care much for interviews
your gone your gone your gone your gone
your gone your gone your gone your gone away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
gotta wish that i could make this ride wish
that there was something worth the time for her to give to me
a phone call from LA is my present
there is nothing left for me to give
I wish I could
and I know that I should but
you know I know I won't
and you don't care
your face is on a billboard
your everywhere
you don't care much for interviews
your gone your gone your gone your gone
your gone your gone your gone your gone away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
if you don't like being hurt then get away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
|
|
| tony essay |
[17 Feb 2005|05:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
my <dcmbr-lp |
] |
i need a boyfriend
like i need a boyfriend
i know im not going to be happy with anyone
serisouly, theres just one person that i would be perfectly happy with.
and thats anthony alan dorini
and i just know
cause everytime i get into a relationship, i get weak, and give in
and i just end up breaking up with them
cause its stupid to go out with someone
and not be happy
and im really not happy with them
im not
cause tony is the one and only ful satisfaction for me
i dont care what anyone says
maybe i would be happy with pat, but.
hes not tony
i like pat alot, i know i would be happy with him too
but theres always that part of me
the weekness for tony
and i have got it really bad
its like, really bad
everytime im like someone, its just to get myself over him
but thats so useless
cause im never going to get over him
and i know im not
i know i might only be 14 years old
but i obiosuly do love this kid
cause if i didnt, i wouldnt make an effort, i wouldnt do anything, not even at all
i wouldnt have anything to do with him
cause hes hurt me so many ways
and so many times
that its so painful for me to even think about all the things hes said and done
but im not gunna coward to him
i love him so much
i really dont know
i like him so much
like ive never really careed this much about a person, al my life.
hes the only one
i remember the day we met
omg, i was like. hes so hott
and then i dont know i just always had a little thing for him
and chandler would always come over and be like meghan lets go to my house
and we can hang out with tony
and i never wnated to
cause i knew that she would end up hooking up with him
and infront of me
and i really wouldnt want that to happen
and this was in like
5th grade or so
yeah, we started young.
haha, ha.
well yeah anyways
i just knew that i would end up liking him, and that i wouldnt never stop
literally
not to sound stupir or anything
but hes kind of like, a world to me
theres so many different things to him
just i dont know
its so hard to explain
but i dont know i wish there was just one chance, just one out of a million chances for me and him
but theres not ever one, and theyre never will be
hes so like, perfect
me and him have the exact same personality, he just doesnt act like we do
he knows that im the same as him
he knows it trust me
we are so much alike, its not even funny
like, i dont know.
hes reallt just the man personality of mine
hes just more of an ass
definiatally
hes the ass, and im the bitch
perfect.
but only if he knew
jesus
i need to talk to him
were due for another long talk
but i dont know, he gets me all weak
im so scared of him
its amazing to me
cause you would never think that a person who you love so muhc
you could be scared of
but the thing is
just cause im scared doesnt mean im not going to put myself out there
cause thats what love is
its taking a chance, and putting yourself on the line
and i would do that for tony
i do, and i have before.
he thinks somethings going to stop me
but it never has and never will
i see this kid everyday of my life
i dont know how im going to live without him
i really dont
and it scars me
i dont know what is going to happen in the next few months, but i know theyre going to be so dramatic
and so emotional
it kills me tho
cause hes like a whole part of me
and when hes gone
im not going to be the same person
im goign to be so much weaker
hes just like, i dont know my wall
i always hae him to fall back on
like, we dont talk all that much and when we do its not very... lets juts not get into that
but we do sometimes have our talks
and i love when we do
cause i can always fall back onto him
and just talk to him
everytimesi talk to him
i get so much shit off my shoulders
and it doesnt matter if were screaming, or whatever
its just the whole part
the talking to him
when i dont have that
im going to have nothing
and its going to be so hard for me
just being around him
and even seeing him makes my day
like it really does
when hes gone
where will i be
i wont have anyone to fall back onto
and its going to kill me
and its going to take alot out of me to say my good byes
i know hell be back, and i know hell be down to visit sometimes
but the everyday part is what keeps me as me
as who i am everyday
and when i dont have that
i dont have anything
im going to be... just left tehre
and i wont have anything
and i wont have anyone
my friends are there
but theres 2 parts of me like i said b4
and if theres not 2
im not complete
and when im not complete im not right
and hes one whole half of me
friends are the other
i just dont know what im going to do
its so confusing and hard to understand all this
i know your not going to care or anything
but all im saying is thati just want to write this down
i have to write it somewhere
and i needed to get it out of me
but anyways back to the subject
hes soo much of me and when hes gone
im litereally gone
i need him to be here i need him to be a whole person
a whole me
and i get depressed over him way to much
im not the kinda of person that really shows it
but inside its all there
and i dont know i just really dont know what im going to do when he leaves
its going to be so hard
and i just already know, i mean i always have and always will know that the day he goes away to college, is going to be probablly the hardest thing im ever going to experience
cause hes going out into the big world, and hes going to have things taht are so much more important and better
and it kills me to know that
thats why im so scared of this whole thing
im so scared
i need him
i really do
well, im sure youve heard enough
im going
bye
|
|
| valentines day |
[14 Feb 2005|10:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
mtv cribs |
] |
chan, go with it... me and katie...
and you
so the day started off pretty gay
tony imed me and hes like thanks for the roses and im like no comment and whatev
so then i went to valentines dinner at southport with tony, leshon, kt, jesse, and chan.
it was the best ever
so this valentines day wasnt so bad
but then we went back to chans
omg by the way
jesse wears the gayest clothes, if i were tony, i wouldnt be seen with him
omg he had like the ones you could change to shorts, pants or capris
omg and he had then like as capris
he looked like a midget and his big ass head
then like
we got into this fight with rocks at chans house
and i rew like this big ass rock at her and it hit her in the elbow
it was the funniest shit ever
and then i ran down to the end of the street
and tony drove by and yelled to me and stoped and we talked and then my mom got there
and then we left and then we droped katie off
and now im going to go and take a shower cause i had dirt all over me...
yuky
BYE
|
|
| i love joey! =D |
[13 Feb 2005|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
modest mouse cd |
] |
today was so much fun
jesus
well this morning me and katie woke up
and we ate
and started to ger ready to go to brittanys about 1ish
and then we went over her house at like 2ish
then when we got there, we ate at premani brothers
yummy
then we walked around and finally wended up at the beach
and then when we were walking
this guys car doors were open, and like i looked in
and he was flippin naked yo
i saw his whole dick
it was sooo gross
i was going to thro up! yuckky
his was soo gross
but anyways
then we were like just chillen and walkin
and like
we went back to britts house
and like changed
and kt emily joey, and all hem went surfing and me and jessi satyed out and took pics haha
fun times fun times
and then like me and joey were playing like this shit fighting and stuff
hes soo cute gaush i love him
bffaeaeaeaea (by the way not love like that) just as like my bestest friend evuh
and like, so yeah we were playing this game and he was acting like me
and surfing like me
and we did the same to katie it was soo funny
omg omg
that was soo funny
and then he made funna emily, like it was the funniest shit ever
then me and joey burried my board in the sand
which was prety funny!
so then we went back to her house
and fooled around
and joey kept hurting me
but we made up a kick ass handshake
YESH! sghhsdfgdhfjghgsdhfgj!
i love JOEY TERAVELLA hahaha
well yeah
im goign to go
good bye
|
|
| sucks |
[12 Feb 2005|11:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dragusto din tie-ozone |
] |
ugh
yeah, well im pissed and lonely once again
this is my life...my life is fucking SUCK ASS
um yesterday jessi came home from school with me and we saw matt and david at wendys so we were with them for awhile.
then we went back to my house and did nothing, just chilled
then i got ready from chans party
it was soo much fun
i got to see izzy, and i hadent seen her in awhile, and i missed her so much
same thing with ern
i love her so much, shes my blood sister
but anyways, jt and logan showed up and we just whatever
and like we all were hangin then whatever
julian came i got to meet him
hes pretty cool
nice fucking teeth btw
anyways yeah well... umm
so chan liked logan
and i kinda have a little thing for jt you know hes soo cute
but whatev
he was like sitting infront of me
and logan was behind me i was such a pimp
gaush!
anyways, yeah well then like... umm they were both laying on me and were like both totally like out of it
jt kept saying meghan and like trying to kiss me and all this shit it was funny as hell
but anyways
yeah, well then like after everyone had left we just chilled and jt fucking puked
taht shit was soo gross it like flew 20 ft out of his mouth and like in the air and shit haha
thanks god i was like not holding him up when that shit happend
anyways then me and chan walked logan and jt kinda to like halfway to publix
we ended up meeting up with all the guys
and like then me and chan went home to her house where katie was waiting for us
we went to bed
and then this morning we watched napolien
i love him haha
anyways then after that zach came home from his soccer game and we got into a fight
funny ass shit no im soo serisous it was the funniest shit ever
anyways yeah then we all went to my house
did nothing
ordered food
ate
david came by on his boat with andrew
then chan and them left
so it was just me and katie
and then we went and met logan and jt and then they came over
then we went to dinner and like
went to kyles house and it was soo funny omg omg omg omg
they were being soo gay tho like all the guys were over there
at like uhh her house and they wouldnt get out
but whetev
me and kt chilled there for a while, and like looked at pics of justice
and hunter(kyles little brother) is soo fucking hott omg omg omg
hes soo hott i wish i could ef him
jk jk
well hes still hott
anyways yeah so then like we left and met up with logan and jt at stop "n" shop
and then like we were talking and walking and like jt called pat and started talking about me to him
and i was soo mad im like soo pissed cause i really like him
and like theres no chance he hates me but whatev
i really just really like him
and anyways then we finally caught a taxi b4 the bridge
and we came back to my house
katies here with me sleeping over
and logan and jt just left
and now were going to watch god send...
goodbye
sad
sad
sad
sad
sad
jt is soo sweet
and i love you logan haha
your soo nice ! ! !
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| mer |
[10 Feb 2005|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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something corporate |
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yeah
well yesterday britt came over after calini which was totaly gay
then today katie come home from school with me
and we went to get my glasses and my shorts and chans girl from bc
and then like
i watched oc and that kinda stuff
im impriving gradually with this whole pat thing
i mean, i have heard he doesnt hate me, but he like, just doesnt see me in that way
which sucks, so i dont know
tom night is chans party, and hopefully something good will come of it
im so excited cause i geta see ern
and i have not seen her in like for ever
jesus
and yeah, well whatever
im just like so sick of being lonely, i never get what i want
i mean tony, for example
im like totally inlove with him
where have i gone with him... absolutely nowhere
and pat, just getting myself into the same mess...
gaush, this sucks
but whatev
i really like pat, i mean alot
almost as much as i like tony and that is a fucking lot lot lot huge lot
but anyways, maybe ill get cheered up tom or something hopefully
i just feel really crap....
this valentines day really is going to suck... =/
sucks, sucks...s(f)ucks
i wish pat or tony would like me, i mean really i wish tony would like me
but if pat liked me, id be so fucking happy too
for now its just easier to like pat
tonys way to complicated
i mean, i dont like him
i love him
always have and always will
so, yeah...
goodbye
but for now, im out...
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| Happy Birthday Chandler Paige Routman! |
[08 Feb 2005|10:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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giggly |
] |
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music |
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sugar (gimme some) - Trick Daddy |
] |
Happy Birthday Chandler Paige Routman!
ah, i love you you fucking child.
gaush chandler! we were being so funny at your house online!
were so silly.
omg, ern! i love you babay! haha
listen to me mother, today was so pimp.. cause it was channys birthday.
ok anyways, other than me being totaly crushed/depressed/anerobic(so fucking pimp)/lonely/unloved-ness.
i am happy as hell cause im waiting for friday, i so can not wait.
omfg, jesus.
im so excited
anyways, i went to chans today and ate japaneseness.
zach, is the coolest raptor ever! omg
that shit was way funny
omg, way way way way way funny!
RAPTOR
you get no cake unless you do the RARR and run around!
lol, well chandler, i couldnt get you a surf board for your b day, but next year!
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
i love your mom! JESUS
anyways, yeah thanks....
good bye...
love, much love.
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| and |
[06 Feb 2005|10:06pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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what it feels like for a girl-madonna |
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im still crying by the way
all these guys see me as a personal use, a personal toy...
it hurts... but its so stupid for them to think theyre acctually going to get something out of me.. kills...
this kills
please help cheer me up.. someone please
MAKE SURE YOU READ THE ENTRY UNDER THIS ONE
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| have i ever cried harder? |
[06 Feb 2005|09:50pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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madonna-GHVT cd |
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wow, i really must like this kid.
pat, i mean i was at jacks house for superbowl.
and so was pat, pat was there and i really like him. and i was with brett, and he pushed me, and i feel over and like it was so embarassing.
so whatever with that, then brett was gay and went up to pat and was telling him that i wanted to give him head and stuff. which i didnt, cause i know hes not like that, and im not like that eaither.
and i like pat, because hes nice, and hes not like all the other guys, hes not a pervert. and i dont know, so everything just got messed up, and brett kept saying yeah she wants to give you head, blah blah and pat didnt want to , and everything is just messed up now, i mean im so upset, so whatever, he just kept saying it. over and over and over again to pat, and pat wouldnt even talk to me after, cause chan went up to him and was like go talk to meghan and hes like no i dont want to
and im so upset, you have no clue.
so he woudlnt talk to me. and its just so hard for me, cause i have all this stuff built up inside of me that i never get to let out, and most of its stuff that i have to say to tony, and even tho most of it he knows, i just never get to talk to him. and it builds up inside me, and i try so hard to not cry, i never let myself cry.
and i really really really really like pat, like alot. alot alot alot.
so i dont know, he hates me now...and its not even my fault...im so upset
but whatever, me and chan walked away, and i just started crying, like so much, you dont even understand.
i mean it was really bad. so i called brett and i was talkign to him but i was cring and hes like are you ok and im like no... and i was like whatever bye and so i guess everyone there knows i like pat, and obisouly knows that i was crying about what happend which makes me look way stupider anyways. and im just so upset... so me and chan get home, and i just started to cry again and we talked about it
and then my mom got there, and in the car i was crying too... i cant take this anymore, i really need to get this out of me... and the 2 people i really need to talk to, wont talk to me...
im so depressed... honestly...i really am...i caant take all this
serisouly, i mean not to sound stupid
cause i really am a strong person, i really am...
and i cant take all this shit anymore
i am so over this
everytime i get over someone else, the same thing happens
i look like such a coward, and im not. im not a coward, i am so strong, i just couldnt hold it in anymore
thanks so much logan, you really stuck up for me... i love you... even tho your nvr going to read this
but yeah, im just over this, everytime i get over one thing, the next is right behind it...
its just me hurting myself over and over again... how am i suposed to stop this
someone help me , i need it
i need to talk to tony and pat both so badly...
ah im repeating myself, but im over all this pain
its all just stuck inside, i just cant let this happen to me...
again
i mean tony im so inlove with the kid
and i try to like other people to get myself over him
and i just end up in another mess
mess after mess
i mean im not trying to exagerate
im such a happy person, but theres always a story inside of me that really needs to come out
andi never have the chance to let it
jesus, do these poeple understand what the hell they do
i cant stand this it kills
its enought to kill me
i need someone, i really need someone...
jesus this hurts so much im so upset, i cant get over it
im sorry i know you guys who are reading this really dont want to hear about it..
but thats why im going to stop
i love chandler paige routman.. thanks for the advice, keep it going from 4-to 4ev.
thanks for always being there, and katie too... i love you
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| love hurts, love really hurts |
[05 Feb 2005|02:56pm] |
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mood |
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ceonfused |
] |
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music |
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where ever you are-laava |
] |
so...
yesterday, katie come home from school with me
then we got ready, went to chandlers house
her mom took us with her to go get chan from school
we got out to pine crest
we saw julian, and went to the bathroom
then we went to whole foods, and office depot
when we got home, chan took a shower, and me and katie walked down to the park
fun times, anyways
then we went back to chans and wene to cheeburgercheeburger ate and
then we just like went out and went and met up with brett, and all those kids
paige, dee, steven, and lesh showed up
we went to the park and chilled for a little
then paige oredered a taxi to go to uh, riverfront..
and all the fucking 8th grades being juan, jesse, thomas, and some other gay ass kids and zach tried to egg us!
but then they saw me and i was like i swea rto fucking jesus if you thro taht at me, ill fucking kill you
and so they didnt
and we chilled with them for a while
and then we went home i mean to chans
and then katie paige steven, and dee left
me and chan went to her house to get a key so we could stay out
and then we were with the gay 8th graders then we walked to 7 11
SHIT we also bought condoms b4 and i put one in my pocket and i still have to get it out
ah, shit.
anyways then we went back to her house and it was like 1
and we went to bed
and then we woke up
she wnated to go to the mall
and i anted to go home
so he gave me a ride home
we got into a fight
and i cried
and im so sad
and now hes picking me up and were gunna talk it out
and im gunna go to get ready
and then im going to chans for the day, or night...
bye
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| ugh. |
[03 Feb 2005|10:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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giggly |
] |
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music |
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dido-white flag((fast version)) |
] |
well today, went to school
sweetness
got ina fight with jill, mallory sister
omg i wanna fucking kill that bitch
but whatever
then me and emily went home
were havin mad cool times right now man
and shes sleeping over
tom katies coming home from school with me
and uh, were going to chans
we get to pick her up from school and se jules
ah*=D
lol, then im getting some ass...
<3upat.
hahahher.
peace out
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